I just drove by the spot where I saw a dead man lay a few weeks ago.

It was surreal, I don't know why this time above the rest was so different. I drive past those curves 3 times a week and never pay any attention to it. Tonight it hit me.



I was stopped by a passer-by, the air was dense. Every night in the Florida summer is dense, but this wasn't from the humidity. A friend of my younger brother was there to share this dreadful experience with me. The effervescent sounds of smooth jazz popping out of the radio slowly transitioned into a lugubrious dance of out of place notes and mis-matched emotions. I felt like we had stopped in something that we shouldn't have stopped in. I wish we had stayed home, this wasn't worth sneaking away to smoke a cigar. The laughter wore off as we inspected the scene from behind my car's windshield.

Soon, a group of people had gathered and EMTs were arriving. We made naive statements such as "he must be catching his breath on the ground" faded away and the reality set in... This man was dead.

He had hit a guide rail and was ejected 25 feet out of his windshield onto a spot on the ground no more that 30 paces from where my car stopped. A man a quarter mile away heard the crash and rushed there. This was the man that had stopped me.

I couldn't help but wonder what he was listening to on the radio, or who he was talking to on the phone? Was he so overcome with joy that he lost focus? Did he have a girlfriend or wife? Was he angry, sad, or drunk? There were no signs of alcohol, but a saturated black top can be as formidable as the bottle.

What was he thinking about? his sister? how much he loves big league chew? Who he would bang this weekend? Going to church the next day? How hard it is to find sour punch straws?

He looked young.



When I started down the road tonight I thought, he had no idea he was going to die when he passed this. I kept repeating that until I reached the crash site. I wondered when he knew he would die or if he even had time to reach such a conclusion.

I found myself going a little too fast around those curves and I couldn't help but see that I was in his position. The only difference is that if that corner was my fate, I would have been thinking about another man losing his life instead of sour punch straws or big league chew...

It's cold and snow is actually on the ground in this no snow town...

Its crazy, I was just thinking about how society tells us there is something wrong if we choose to be alone. Actually society tells us that the choice to be alone is non-existent. In a world full of romantic comedies and little girls dreaming of story book weddings we have been conditioned to think that this is what is supposed to happen, and if it doesnt well then there is something terribly wrong with us.

Listen I want the dream just as much as everyone else, the house a few kids, organic snack foods, but why is this a key to happiness? I really want a dodge challenger but It wouldnt really effect me to the core….

people tell me “your standards are too high” and “you have to “put myself out there” but the thing is, I would much rather spend the rest of my life alone then spend it sifting through a bargin bin of girls who I will have to settle for.

I need someone who will tell me I am wrong, I need someone to laugh at my jokes, I need someone to think inappropriate humor is funny. Someone who will tell me I am wrong, someone who will have a heart more after god than she will ever have for me, I need someone who understands how creativity truly works and has felt the irresistible urge to create, I need someone who will argue with me over music and which artist is better: pink floyd or jimmy hendrix…

I need someone that knows what its like to live your life for other people, I need someone with respect for herself, I need someone who likes the smell of cigars, and most importantly I need someone who has a raw burnning unadulterated passion inside of her.

Pretty tall order eh?

I know I have high standards, and I know the chances of meeting someone that meet those standard are extremely low. In all the places I have lived with all the people I meet, I have come across one woman who would be anywhere near those standards.

one girl every 20 years…. awesome odds right!?

but the point is, I would much rather bask in the freedom of being alone then to have a partner who is a ball and chain. That’s why I love this video because being alone is just as beautiful as being with someone…

This was a letter I wrote a while ago...

You are beautiful

Your creativity overflows into my life and transforms my being from the very deepest crevise out. I love how we share a fascination of the human race and how we work towards changing our society.

The way that you respectfully dissagree with me is frustrating but I love those petty altercations we have, They are beautiful. I love the paradox of how similar we are yet so different.

I dont understand the dynamic of how we get along, yet I do know It truly is something of miraculous proportions. It’s what makes us exquisite.

I love how you strive to mold me into a better person spiritually, mentally, and physically. The lack of restraint when scolding me is incredible. The way you never allow me to become “comfortable” is something that I will never understand but as frustrating as it may be, It is incredible.

I love how you are patient and kind. You are not jealous, arrogant, or proud in any of your ways. You are neither rude nor selfish and your temper is always cool towards me.


I love how you do not use my past against me.

I admire your blindness towards stereotypical problems and your quest for justice. The way you speak about me in a defensive tone against negativity amazes me. I love how no decision I ever make is questioned because of your true faith in us. You are the hope not only in our life but in our peer’s life. Yet most of all I love your perseverance and how we will never fail, no matter what trials or tribulations come our way.

Your laugh is horrible and you are clumsy, yet it is thees little things that make me fall in love with you more and more. Those eyes are something I thought I would never see again and when i finally did find them, I knew I was home.

Wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever you are struggling with I pray that you will be blessed with wisdom and knowledge….

Even though I have not met you yet just know….I love you.

Since I've tasted blood, all this wine seems to thin....

I’ve been reading this book called Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, and it is kind of turning my views on Christianity upside down.

But one thing that has been on my heart lately is turning the bible into a product. It turns my stomach that there are children in China, Malaysia, Thailand,etc. That are pumping out trinkets with scriptures on them.

Why are there pastors of mega-churches driving around in Bentlys when they have members in their congregation who are struggling every day? One of those cars can put a few kids through college for sure.

Why do we have trade shows and seminars that are designed to teach us how to go into the world and love people like Jesus did, When the admission prices of these events can often feed hundreds of people in other countries?

I think its just something we do to ourselves to keep us warm and toasty in Jesus land.

I don’t understand why we, why I ( because I am most certainly guilty of this too) have created this little bubble of comfort and false positivity just so we can convince our minds that we are, indeed doing good.

It feels so good to be in this little safe Sunday school prison where everything is bright and shiny, but I don’t think that’s where we were called to live.

It says in Matthew 11:28-30

28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light

I think this may be some cause of our problem as Christians…

You see, often this is interpreted as we have it easy as Christians, that everything we do will just magically be rad just because we have ole’ JC on our side but we often forget:

there is still a yoke, and once we pick up this yoke we pick up the responibilities that Jesus and his early followers had. We must take care of the sick, the poor, the widows, and the orphans because it is our responsibility and no one else’s.

So if that seems easy to you I applaud you, because that seems like the hardest thing in the world to me.

It seems like in my Jesus bubble, that sacrifice is not needed. I forget how the fore-fathers of our faith lived. I was reading a blog the other day about how this faith is most certainly not easy. It went on to give example if how people were called to do near impossible things.

“and god said to them…

Abraham, leave your home and your family. I’ll tell you where you’re going later, but just go now.

David, take a small rock and go kill that giant.

Hosea, marry that woman who’s going to cuckold you and redeem her with your love. Make sure every knows about your humiliation so they see a model of my Love for them too.

Jesus, give up your glory to live among the fallen then let yourself be tortured and killed.

Paul, you just keep on preaching until they kill you. And when you’re whipped bloody and imprisoned, be sure to count it all glory.”

Christians were the original counter culture. They stood against everything society told them to be and many of them lost their lives for it. My god isn’t that so foreign to us.

These men you see on tv in their fancy suits, or those spewing hate and promoting capitalism like its in the bible are most certainly not Christ like.

(Now don’t take that as me judging them on eternity)

Jesus was poor, he was from the ghetto of nazerath, he Hung out with scumbags and prostitutes, his best friends were ex-scumbags, he was a socialist, yet he stressed it was our job to take care of the needy and not the governments.

Why have we forgotten this?

We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, and the machine is bleeding to death

I have started listening to Godspeed! You Black Emperor again after a recent trip to New Orleans. I forgot how inspiring and calming they can be. It's almost as if fear manifest itself into an auditory dance of classical and modern melodies, with the classical leading the modern. Its an experience like falling into an unpleasant dream and then being slowly awakened by something overwhelmingly comfortable. I could imagine that they were playing as alice fell down the rabbit hole. It truly is exquisite.

I think fear doesn't always have to be a negative emotion....

For some reason recently I have been revisiting things I haven't seen or used in years. Things that once filled me with joy and passion, things that shaped who I am today. For instance, I have started to read fahrenheit 451, my favorite book, again. I am remembering why I write, why I am creative, and why I have an urgency to express myself. It's not something I just do for fun, it's something I have to do. It's an obligation to my creator who instilled this in me.

I think the reason that Ray Bradbury words spoke to me at such a young age was because I could relate. In 451 it describes a world that books and all literature is illegal. Everyone gets their information from talking screens and seashell headphones. The jobs of fire men are not to stop fires, they are to start them. They are ordered to burn anyones house who contains a single book. The story is of a fireman who slowly comes to the realization that there is more to life than the fabrication of information by society. Most people see this as a tale of censorship and overcoming the oppressors, but in several interviews Bradbury says that is, most certainly, not the case.

He explains that the story is, indeed, how people are becoming illiterate, not in the literal sense, something far worse...

People are not using intuition and deduction to formulate opinions, people are simply adopting the ideologies and fabricated truths of the seven headed dragon over the the television (and now internet). This captivated me, coming from a culture where television taught me my ABC's. It sparked me to find out for myself and to have an opinion that I formulated, not some media talking head. It influenced me to ask questions and get answers by any means necessary.

It taught me to seek truth...

So thanks Ray, you have inspired me to fulfill my dreams. I can only hope that one day I will shape the way a kid processes and receives information. In the ever growing world of media wars between mutually right conservatives and liberals, I think thats a pretty big feat.


pick up this guy when you have a chance, or contact me.... I have a few copies.

What's my name, what's my station oh, just tell me what i should do I don't need to be kind to the armies of night that would do such injustice to you

You know with the recent controversy of the food not bombs arrests I think we have forgotten how to live on this planet with each other. Don’t get me wrong, food not bombs is an anarchist group whose motives often are to get attention for their political views, but they still are feeding the less- fortunate that society has spit out. I think as humans we have a responsibility to take care of our fellow man, for me this falls into being pro life.

We must defend the defensless and help the helpless, even if it’s something small. Just like ghandi said “whatever you do may be insignificant, but it is vitally important you do it.”

As clichè as that quote may have been made by middle class white girls who think tie-die and peace signs are cool, it is terribly true…

So please can we just try and do something for someone over this next week to help those in need.

You know what, let’s make it a year…

You have a year to complete the challange of helping one person in a very small way. 365 days, for one small action. Buy a stranger an ice cream cone, give a homeless man a pack of smokes, or just listen to someone who needs it. You have nothing to loose and no excuse. There are no consequences for not doing this, except for knowing you were to busy for the hurting.

Christian or not I think we all can learn from this.

34 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38 And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39 And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40 And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’

Matthew 25:34-40

Sometimes I lay under the moon and thank God I'm breathing then I pray don't take me soon cause I am here for a reason

It's been close to a year since I've done anything on this. I feel as if I'm long over due.

I have been learning a lot lately. One thing people don't realise is the arts teach you so much more than just how to paint or sculpt. They teach you incredible amounts of patience , how to improvise and do things that were deemed impossible in your reality, and how to release things that are deep within you that can't be put into words. I know this is what I was made for. I'm here to inspire and be inspired, to feel and be felt, to sculpt and be sculptured.

The more and more I feel like I am finally finding some purpose in this life I feel like more questions are raised.  Things I was so sure of 6 months ago now seem completely unknown.

I think I'm just too anxious, I can't wait for the next step and me not knowing what that is intensifies the problem. Is it marriage, a "real job", getting a masters degree? It's overwhelming.

I think I'm slowly finding out who my true friends are, and I won't make this one of the stereotypical internet rants and raves, but its interesting who remains when you start moving forward. (If your reading this don't worry its not about you its more of a generalization per say.... just know I love you and miss you pal.)

I'm tired of people thinking I need something they have and holding it over my head like a carrot in front of an ass ( pun intended). I most certainly don't need you and I don't appreciate you treating me like a jackass. Nothing you have is going to make my life that much better so just get off your high horse. It's awesome to see that you treat your longest friends like live stock.

Enough with the barn yard analogies.

If I need you in my life you probably get offended at my words. I will argue with you, and be agitated with you but at the end of the day I love you so much. I apologize too, that I truly don't know how to show it.

Also to my barn master I apologize that I don't have the heart to tell you to shut up. I admit I'm not man enough to do that, but its because In reality,I really care about you but your to sensitive to hear what I need to tell you. I wish you could just be quiet and listen. The truth is, I love you and everyone else that irritates me beyond belief. I can't seem to shake that, and if you think having a friend that's a jerk is horrible, try being in love with people, every one, even the crazy ones. It's enough to drive you crazy yourself.

And that's exactly what this post came to be, a ridiculous complaining session. I just look at this as an easy way to journal and maybe help someone else through this thing and possibly try and figure out how to play this ridiculous game of life.  After all there's no manual, heck there aren't even any rules.

I may be confused and unsure about a lot of things in this world. And I may let a lot of things bother me that shouldn't.  But something I know is I was created to create, and to reflect the image of the creator. I think I need to work on doing that in a better way, because you can never be a master at something like that.