It's been close to a year since I've done anything on this. I feel as if I'm long over due.
I have been learning a lot lately. One thing people don't realise is the arts teach you so much more than just how to paint or sculpt. They teach you incredible amounts of patience , how to improvise and do things that were deemed impossible in your reality, and how to release things that are deep within you that can't be put into words. I know this is what I was made for. I'm here to inspire and be inspired, to feel and be felt, to sculpt and be sculptured.
The more and more I feel like I am finally finding some purpose in this life I feel like more questions are raised. Things I was so sure of 6 months ago now seem completely unknown.
I think I'm just too anxious, I can't wait for the next step and me not knowing what that is intensifies the problem. Is it marriage, a "real job", getting a masters degree? It's overwhelming.
I think I'm slowly finding out who my true friends are, and I won't make this one of the stereotypical internet rants and raves, but its interesting who remains when you start moving forward. (If your reading this don't worry its not about you its more of a generalization per say.... just know I love you and miss you pal.)
I'm tired of people thinking I need something they have and holding it over my head like a carrot in front of an ass ( pun intended). I most certainly don't need you and I don't appreciate you treating me like a jackass. Nothing you have is going to make my life that much better so just get off your high horse. It's awesome to see that you treat your longest friends like live stock.
Enough with the barn yard analogies.
If I need you in my life you probably get offended at my words. I will argue with you, and be agitated with you but at the end of the day I love you so much. I apologize too, that I truly don't know how to show it.
Also to my barn master I apologize that I don't have the heart to tell you to shut up. I admit I'm not man enough to do that, but its because In reality,I really care about you but your to sensitive to hear what I need to tell you. I wish you could just be quiet and listen. The truth is, I love you and everyone else that irritates me beyond belief. I can't seem to shake that, and if you think having a friend that's a jerk is horrible, try being in love with people, every one, even the crazy ones. It's enough to drive you crazy yourself.
And that's exactly what this post came to be, a ridiculous complaining session. I just look at this as an easy way to journal and maybe help someone else through this thing and possibly try and figure out how to play this ridiculous game of life. After all there's no manual, heck there aren't even any rules.
I may be confused and unsure about a lot of things in this world. And I may let a lot of things bother me that shouldn't. But something I know is I was created to create, and to reflect the image of the creator. I think I need to work on doing that in a better way, because you can never be a master at something like that.
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