When we come down we'll be dreamin safe and sound.

I don't know what it is but I just had an extreme sense of peace just flow over me. Everthing is falling into place.

I set out to have a grand adventure on this new years eve, but that didnt work out. So now as I sit here with my best friend listening quietly to piano tracks, I feel that peace just surround me and soak in every fiber of my being.

I don't care about adventures or crazy partying, getting a midnight kiss, being lonely for the holidays, working at 9 in the morning, or making resolutions on this years end, I care about being with my best friends and feeling the sense of accomplishment.

My life has been transformed in the time of a year.

I look back on last year and how I couldn't wait for this year to end. I can without a doubt say that 2008 was the worst year I have had out of thees 18. thats another story though.

One thing I can say is that this year has quite possibly been the best, and for no specific reason. even though last year my life was torn apart, this year it has slowly been restored. With the restoration I feel that something crazy is coming next year. I feel like over the past year I have been preparing for something great and exciting. Hopefully I won't be let down.

Stay tuned.

I am a moth who just wants to share your light I'm just an insect trying to get out of the night I am still with you because there are no others

It's Christmas eve, the second one I've been through single. There is something about having a sweetheart on the greatest day of the year, it just enhances it. I can't wait for this game that little boys and girls play with each other to end. I just want a girl that stands up for her beliefs and is confident, someone that can encourage me as much as I can support her. Someone who is flawed, someone who has made a difference, someone that respects me.

It also sucks that I have never had a girl that lived within 30 minutes of my house.

Really all I want to do is spoil someone.... any takers?

Seriously, I laugh at what my generation calls true love. I can't wait to experience it, because I know what I once had was not true. I remember a new years resolution I had, It was to find a girl that met a few of those criteria. Unfortunately no luck yet, But hey I still have a week.


Wow this just turned into a complaining session. That is the beauty of a blog that not many people read, I can say what I want.

on a different note....
As great as the Christmas season is, it still isn't as great as it was when I was a child.

I never believed in santa clause, but I remember staying up all night waiting for my parents to wake up to tear through the presents. Now I go to sleep at midnight hoping to get a few extra hours of sleep than I would on any other day. I guess that is what happens as you grow older, the things that once made your heart jump now just seem mediocre.

Don't get me wrong Christmas is still the best time of year in my opinion, but I see what this celebration of my saviors birth truly has become...

It's an excuse to be greedy and irresponsible with your money.

I can really appreciate my parents doing a modest Christmas every year. It really has given me the right perspective on this season. I feel my priorities this entire month are different than everyone else. For me it's about sweet fellowship with my friends and family.

Hopefully The last week in this year will be awesome, who knows maybe I will fulfill that new years resolution. I mean I did accomplish all the other ones. Even if I don't, I am very satisfied with this past years and it's products. I hope everyone feels the same

Merry christmas

What if I sold everything I own And ran away from everyone I know could I make another place my home?

I have started to realize how young I really am. Even though by the laws standards I am a man, there is still so much for me to learn. I think about how at my age my parents were married. That is mind blowing, I cant imagine having that much responsibility at this time in my life.

I blame society.

Isn't that funny how people get so frustrated with society and the way things are? Just think about the world we live in today and how much our culture has changed over the past 30 years. It is pretty ridiculous. I love when I get frustrated with a text message, or when my internet isnt quite as fast as i would like it to be. We need to take a step back and just look at this situation......

just sayin.

Man this has been a very eventful week, a lot of good and a lot of bad.

So let us see what happens in the end, because thats the only part that matters, right?

something else to think about

I don't love you, but I always will....

Lately I've been living in very numb and Grey world. Not much I experience gives me great joy but nothing makes me upset. I guess I'd rather feel nothing than pain.... Isn't that a song?

Up until this weekend nothing has really bothered me or moved me in any kind of way. I guess every since I started my new job getting back into a drone like routine after having months of freedom can really take its toll. I still can't figure out why I felt this way.

This weekend something really changed, it's like I woke up out of a mindless slumber. I have started writing again, and I even picked up a guitar...... yeah it's a big deal.

I'm regaining interests and enjoying things more, it is like I have been cured of a disease I didn't know I had.

I'm glad that stage is over.

Though my awakening I have found myself incredibly intrigued by the story of Lucifer and all the different theories behind his fall. It blows my mind that he was God's favorite creation and when he exhaled music filled the air. The bible says that he was covered in any type of precious stone you can imagine. In Latin Lucifer actually means " Light bearer". Far from the little red devil that is projected to us today. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when he sang.....


It's funny how many people take one line of scripture and can interpret it hundreds of different ways and form doctrines off of those. It makes me chuckle that as humans we try and take faith out of anything. I think that is what people forget the most about any type of belief system, that it is in fact a "belief system" meaning it takes faith. Which makes me understand those that can't believe in such a thing.

Lets be honest here, the idea of God is a pretty far leap. It's not the easiest concept to grasp.

Christians need to stop shoving doctrine in peoples face. well not just Christians, every religion. Be the example your supposed to be and stop worrying about the petty things. I want to love like Jesus, I want to be a "little Christ". Its funny how many Christians dont match the definition of there own religion. I think it was Paul that first used that term (don't quote me on that) but what he said was we need to be little Jesus'.

Jesus hung out with the scum of the earth, weather they believed he was the son of god or not.

I know I'm not there, but hey baby steps.

burn away my pride

A good way to start the morning......

So this week was thanksgiving and my family was out of town, it was a very interesting experience being here alone on this week that is usually supposed to be immersed in family tradition. I was taken in by my best friends family and we spent the day in Tampa with them. It was a gourmet thanksgiving if i had ever seen one, with dishes i had never even heard of. After we ate we all fell asleep on the floor for a few hours.

As fun as it was it was still hard to be away from the ones I love most. I guess it all goes back to growing up and sticking with a work commitment. And with that I did have an excellent week at work and met alot of cool people.

I got lost a few days ago in the backlost of universal. As i strolled through the tv production center, which i was sure i did not belong, I eventually ended up by dueling dragons. I figured "why not?". as i boarded the ride i sat next to a dad and his two daughters, he stroke up the conversation with me and asked the normal small talk questions. As we started up the lift hill I heard him talking to his two daughters and getting them excited for the ride. After we started down the hill he yelled "It Is on!!! WWOOOOOO" And as i was listening to his corny remarks it made me miss my dad. It also got me excited to be in his position one day.

I love the dynamic of family, i think it is one of the most powerful experiences for a person. weather it be good or bad so much lies on the influence of our families. And as i come out of this thanksgiving weekend i can say that i am immensely thankful for my family and all that they do for me.

future reflections

Today i was running extremely late so i decided to go ahead and make the choice to just skip my first class. I dont know if that was a good choice or not.

So lately god has been teaching me some very odd stuff in some pretty humorous ways.

I have found out that i dont really listen very well, to anyone. It's odd because I used to be great at that and people always came to me with problems, but now i feel i put on this "loud and over the top" facade just to make people laugh and make them feel good.

The truth is that is not really me.

I want to make everyone happy and make sure everyone is laughing but I have realized that while i put on this show i ignore people and god when they talk

I'm slowly returning to the person i used to be. as i grow closer to death each day i learn to cherish expiriences and people so much more. I'm sick and tired of living my life for other people. Even though it's selfish to live only for yourself, there needs to be a good balance.

Whatever, I feel very scatterbrained right now


have a beautiful day
lando

Quiet houses

Well i dont have much to say right now. I cant sleep and i dont know why. I was faling asleep in all my classes today and ive been incredibly tired due to the lack of sleep last night. It's frustrating. So im listening to some fleet foxes and thinking about the future a bit. Nothing ill share tonight, but in the future? yes.

I dont even know why i write this haha no one reads it

So this can maybe be my outlet for venting about people i dislike.

brie i hate the way you......
kyle your such a ...
james.....
jordan?


not very nice
bye

a room at the heart break hotel

It has been a while since I've been to Mt. Dora. at dusk, it's probably one of my favorite places in the world. Maybe when it is a tad bit cooler I will venture that way to do some skating, and maybe to ponder life's biggest questions.

today was a weird day, I didn't do anything but a lot happened. I got some information on future colleges, found out some interesting things about my friends, and I'm pretty sure I will never be a winner at this love game (I really hate to complain about that last one because its a very cliche complaint but for me, today has really solidified my place). I just hate the idea of having to put up with all of the commotion that relationships cause.

anyways...

The day has also been a real musical trip down memory lane. It seems as if switchfoot, circa survive, dashboard, and relient k have been either extremely relevant in my life or they just keep popping up. It's funny how as you grow older your tastes in anything change, and how some of these bands are good for nothing more than the nostalgia that surrounds them. recently however switchfoot and dashboard have been really relevant to what I'm going through in my life. It makes me laugh at how different a person can be yet still be dealing with similar emotions that they have dealt with in the past. Its also made me realize that dashboard is an incredibly lame band.

"o you like making out and long drives

and brown eyes and guys that just

don't quite fit in yeah do you like

them? So yes, I'll see you there."

.... Seriously, how do you sell crap like this? I guess I bought it as a kid

Any ways,

Last week my debate professor was sick and class was canceled. Of course we all were happy. Later we found out it was one of the worst sicknesses he has ever had. Isn't it funny how he has a terrible day yet our day is a little bit brighter due to his misfortune? What if he found out he had cancer that day?

just think....

landen

46 miles to west palm…

There’s something interesting about traveling across the state with 4 people you don’t really know in the back of a cargo van. I’m having a lot of time to think this trip. The best part is not a single person knows what is going on in my life. Its almost like I will be a different person these next 6 days, I wont have to worry about what their opinions or advice they have with the things going on in my life.

I’m listening to the new pearl jam album, and it is phenomenal by the way.

I like the scenery that’s to the side of I-95, it’s a pleasant change from the ever repetitive I-4. We just passed what looked like a marina but there was no water in sight, odd.

last tuesday was my best friend mikeys birthday. its funny that I chose the title “ The death of Adolescence” on the same day, considering he was the last one to turn 18 in my group of friends. He says he doesn’t feel any different but I can feel a change in the air for some reason. As we sat and all reminisced about old times and told stories of our youthful adventures to some of our new friends, it seemed as almost we were seven retired guys meeting for the first time in decades to recant the actions of our childhood. It was interesting closing the book on childhood all together with him. And as I was sadded by this, I saw us all opening and reading the introducion to the book on adult hood. Even though I think we were all some what unsettled by this passing, I sensed an excitement that we all were going to start this journey together,.and even though we may not end this story together, what matters most to me is that we started it.

one

My toes suddenly hurt. It's weird. Anyways,

I've lost my girlfriend, my job, my sense of security, a few friends, 15 pounds, my adolescence, and a few other things all within 1 year of this week. It all started with the girlfriend , and even though I was over that long ago it started a downward spiral of sorts. This year I have hit some of my highest highs and my lowest lows. I went through a time where i didn't know what to believe or who to trust.

Now the point of this is to reveal the irony of my life. It tickles me that through all of these things that I have experienced I have been molded and formed into a functioning member of society, something I could have sworn would have taken me years. What I thought was a hinderance, was actually a vehicle to reach maturity. I am not there yet but this is a start.

Even though the title of this first blog may seem dreary, the overall message is to reveal the wonders that is adulthood (and maybe to embrace some childhood memories) Contradictory , I know.

I may be an adult, but I by no means am a man. It is a very long road to"man-hood", and hopefully this will be a great tool to chronicle my ways.

"You can't truly believe in something until you have doubted it"

Until the next time I find my self board at panera,

Landen