We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, and the machine is bleeding to death

I have started listening to Godspeed! You Black Emperor again after a recent trip to New Orleans. I forgot how inspiring and calming they can be. It's almost as if fear manifest itself into an auditory dance of classical and modern melodies, with the classical leading the modern. Its an experience like falling into an unpleasant dream and then being slowly awakened by something overwhelmingly comfortable. I could imagine that they were playing as alice fell down the rabbit hole. It truly is exquisite.

I think fear doesn't always have to be a negative emotion....

For some reason recently I have been revisiting things I haven't seen or used in years. Things that once filled me with joy and passion, things that shaped who I am today. For instance, I have started to read fahrenheit 451, my favorite book, again. I am remembering why I write, why I am creative, and why I have an urgency to express myself. It's not something I just do for fun, it's something I have to do. It's an obligation to my creator who instilled this in me.

I think the reason that Ray Bradbury words spoke to me at such a young age was because I could relate. In 451 it describes a world that books and all literature is illegal. Everyone gets their information from talking screens and seashell headphones. The jobs of fire men are not to stop fires, they are to start them. They are ordered to burn anyones house who contains a single book. The story is of a fireman who slowly comes to the realization that there is more to life than the fabrication of information by society. Most people see this as a tale of censorship and overcoming the oppressors, but in several interviews Bradbury says that is, most certainly, not the case.

He explains that the story is, indeed, how people are becoming illiterate, not in the literal sense, something far worse...

People are not using intuition and deduction to formulate opinions, people are simply adopting the ideologies and fabricated truths of the seven headed dragon over the the television (and now internet). This captivated me, coming from a culture where television taught me my ABC's. It sparked me to find out for myself and to have an opinion that I formulated, not some media talking head. It influenced me to ask questions and get answers by any means necessary.

It taught me to seek truth...

So thanks Ray, you have inspired me to fulfill my dreams. I can only hope that one day I will shape the way a kid processes and receives information. In the ever growing world of media wars between mutually right conservatives and liberals, I think thats a pretty big feat.


pick up this guy when you have a chance, or contact me.... I have a few copies.

What's my name, what's my station oh, just tell me what i should do I don't need to be kind to the armies of night that would do such injustice to you

You know with the recent controversy of the food not bombs arrests I think we have forgotten how to live on this planet with each other. Don’t get me wrong, food not bombs is an anarchist group whose motives often are to get attention for their political views, but they still are feeding the less- fortunate that society has spit out. I think as humans we have a responsibility to take care of our fellow man, for me this falls into being pro life.

We must defend the defensless and help the helpless, even if it’s something small. Just like ghandi said “whatever you do may be insignificant, but it is vitally important you do it.”

As clichè as that quote may have been made by middle class white girls who think tie-die and peace signs are cool, it is terribly true…

So please can we just try and do something for someone over this next week to help those in need.

You know what, let’s make it a year…

You have a year to complete the challange of helping one person in a very small way. 365 days, for one small action. Buy a stranger an ice cream cone, give a homeless man a pack of smokes, or just listen to someone who needs it. You have nothing to loose and no excuse. There are no consequences for not doing this, except for knowing you were to busy for the hurting.

Christian or not I think we all can learn from this.

34 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38 And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39 And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40 And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’

Matthew 25:34-40

Sometimes I lay under the moon and thank God I'm breathing then I pray don't take me soon cause I am here for a reason

It's been close to a year since I've done anything on this. I feel as if I'm long over due.

I have been learning a lot lately. One thing people don't realise is the arts teach you so much more than just how to paint or sculpt. They teach you incredible amounts of patience , how to improvise and do things that were deemed impossible in your reality, and how to release things that are deep within you that can't be put into words. I know this is what I was made for. I'm here to inspire and be inspired, to feel and be felt, to sculpt and be sculptured.

The more and more I feel like I am finally finding some purpose in this life I feel like more questions are raised.  Things I was so sure of 6 months ago now seem completely unknown.

I think I'm just too anxious, I can't wait for the next step and me not knowing what that is intensifies the problem. Is it marriage, a "real job", getting a masters degree? It's overwhelming.

I think I'm slowly finding out who my true friends are, and I won't make this one of the stereotypical internet rants and raves, but its interesting who remains when you start moving forward. (If your reading this don't worry its not about you its more of a generalization per say.... just know I love you and miss you pal.)

I'm tired of people thinking I need something they have and holding it over my head like a carrot in front of an ass ( pun intended). I most certainly don't need you and I don't appreciate you treating me like a jackass. Nothing you have is going to make my life that much better so just get off your high horse. It's awesome to see that you treat your longest friends like live stock.

Enough with the barn yard analogies.

If I need you in my life you probably get offended at my words. I will argue with you, and be agitated with you but at the end of the day I love you so much. I apologize too, that I truly don't know how to show it.

Also to my barn master I apologize that I don't have the heart to tell you to shut up. I admit I'm not man enough to do that, but its because In reality,I really care about you but your to sensitive to hear what I need to tell you. I wish you could just be quiet and listen. The truth is, I love you and everyone else that irritates me beyond belief. I can't seem to shake that, and if you think having a friend that's a jerk is horrible, try being in love with people, every one, even the crazy ones. It's enough to drive you crazy yourself.

And that's exactly what this post came to be, a ridiculous complaining session. I just look at this as an easy way to journal and maybe help someone else through this thing and possibly try and figure out how to play this ridiculous game of life.  After all there's no manual, heck there aren't even any rules.

I may be confused and unsure about a lot of things in this world. And I may let a lot of things bother me that shouldn't.  But something I know is I was created to create, and to reflect the image of the creator. I think I need to work on doing that in a better way, because you can never be a master at something like that.

"Happy to see how far I've come to the same place it began my dreams and imagination perfectly at peace so I move along a bit higher"

I have been having really lucid dreams lately. It reminded me of this video I saw about 5 years ago. In my opinion it is one of the most creative snowboard videos I have ever seen. Even if you dont have an appreciation for such sports just absorb the art. I apologize for the semi poor quality.

I know its been a while since I have sat down and written from my heart. It is just another one of those times where I must sit and reflect.... something is coming soon... something big.


lando

"How do I feel for thee? Your smile brings disease. 'Cause we're young, willing from the start."

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Its nights like these when we feel most alive

We felt like kings sitting on our leather thrones
As the sound of amateur musicians fill the air
and the laughs from gestures out pour from our mouths

The smells of summer were on our noses

As we tell the tales of the explorations the we have yet to complete
We are called to assemble....

Its nights like this that make me want to be 16 forever

I never want to wake up from this extraordinary dream
The dream of falling asleep as our sides split from a photo play

This elite group of adolescents aids me as my camarilla
Any challenge that may surface is never to much for my comrades.

Arise boys!

We ride these streets , screaming at the top of our voices
The summer air fills our lungs as we make our rounds
Speeding past others in the memories we make

Though we are not bonded in blood,
we are a band of brothers

I marvel at others bravery for stepping apart,
But as we may take a step each day towards death physically
Mentally we will always be one

We watch as morbid prophecies are fulfilled
yet we stand strong

Others wish they could have what we have
Others claim they have what we have
Others despise what we have

Stick together boys! There is one thing I'm sure of
We are heroes in a dying generation

I've been rapping for about seventeen years,ok. I dont write my stuff anymore... I just kick it from my head.

ectoplasm

1. Biology: The outer portion of the continuous phase of cytoplasm of a cell, sometimes distinguishable as a somewhat rigid, gelled layer beneath the cell membrane

2. An immaterial or ethereal substance, especially the transparent corporeal presence of the spirit.

You grow, you roar Although disguised I know you.....You'll learn to know.

This band produces some of the most beautiful music I have ever heard.

Today is Sunday and I have to work. Its odd because I feel so out of place not being in church, just last month I would take my Sundays off and sleep in, not really worrying about church. I have seen the value in getting fed, I also have learned that this can not be something that happens only on Sundays.

I like starting over.

I am getting such a different perspective on Christianity, the reason I say I live my life. I grew up in church and I never really had a value for God because of that reason. I feel like in my case because he was just something that was there and things were fine there really was no reason to step out of my comfort zone to experience something more.

A few nights ago I was watching one of my discipleship kids worship... as I observed I wished for that back. I wished for that passion and that reckless abandonment of all I know to cry out to God. It was very inspiring....

It is so funny to me to look at why I started this blog and to slowly see the ups and downs of my life since last September. I still refuse to believe that anyone reads this, I guess it is why I poure my heart out into whatever the subject may be.

I just received a job from Burton snowboards... to anyone else that's not a big deal, to me I have wanted to work for them since I was in 9th grade. even though I am working as an inventory specialist at the local store i feel like there is more to come from this very small opportunity. Knowing that they have stores in NYC, LA, Boston,Tokyo, Chicago, and Burlington makes me incredibly excited for advancement opportunities. The reason I have mentioned this is to take note in the power of your words and positivity. When I was 14 I decided I wanted to be an engineer to go and design snowboards for Burton, After I had realized I have no chance due to all of the math involved I walked away from that dream. 3 years later they open a store in Orlando Florida, where we never see a single flake of snow......

To me that is God.

One love,
Landen