It was surreal, I don't know why this time above the rest was so different. I drive past those curves 3 times a week and never pay any attention to it. Tonight it hit me.
I was stopped by a passer-by, the air was dense. Every night in the Florida summer is dense, but this wasn't from the humidity. A friend of my younger brother was there to share this dreadful experience with me. The effervescent sounds of smooth jazz popping out of the radio slowly transitioned into a lugubrious dance of out of place notes and mis-matched emotions. I felt like we had stopped in something that we shouldn't have stopped in. I wish we had stayed home, this wasn't worth sneaking away to smoke a cigar. The laughter wore off as we inspected the scene from behind my car's windshield.
Soon, a group of people had gathered and EMTs were arriving. We made naive statements such as "he must be catching his breath on the ground" faded away and the reality set in... This man was dead.
He had hit a guide rail and was ejected 25 feet out of his windshield onto a spot on the ground no more that 30 paces from where my car stopped. A man a quarter mile away heard the crash and rushed there. This was the man that had stopped me.
I couldn't help but wonder what he was listening to on the radio, or who he was talking to on the phone? Was he so overcome with joy that he lost focus? Did he have a girlfriend or wife? Was he angry, sad, or drunk? There were no signs of alcohol, but a saturated black top can be as formidable as the bottle.
What was he thinking about? his sister? how much he loves big league chew? Who he would bang this weekend? Going to church the next day? How hard it is to find sour punch straws?
He looked young.
When I started down the road tonight I thought, he had no idea he was going to die when he passed this. I kept repeating that until I reached the crash site. I wondered when he knew he would die or if he even had time to reach such a conclusion.
I found myself going a little too fast around those curves and I couldn't help but see that I was in his position. The only difference is that if that corner was my fate, I would have been thinking about another man losing his life instead of sour punch straws or big league chew...
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
It's cold and snow is actually on the ground in this no snow town...
Its crazy, I was just thinking about how society tells us there is something wrong if we choose to be alone. Actually society tells us that the choice to be alone is non-existent. In a world full of romantic comedies and little girls dreaming of story book weddings we have been conditioned to think that this is what is supposed to happen, and if it doesnt well then there is something terribly wrong with us.
Listen I want the dream just as much as everyone else, the house a few kids, organic snack foods, but why is this a key to happiness? I really want a dodge challenger but It wouldnt really effect me to the core….
people tell me “your standards are too high” and “you have to “put myself out there” but the thing is, I would much rather spend the rest of my life alone then spend it sifting through a bargin bin of girls who I will have to settle for.
I need someone who will tell me I am wrong, I need someone to laugh at my jokes, I need someone to think inappropriate humor is funny. Someone who will tell me I am wrong, someone who will have a heart more after god than she will ever have for me, I need someone who understands how creativity truly works and has felt the irresistible urge to create, I need someone who will argue with me over music and which artist is better: pink floyd or jimmy hendrix…
I need someone that knows what its like to live your life for other people, I need someone with respect for herself, I need someone who likes the smell of cigars, and most importantly I need someone who has a raw burnning unadulterated passion inside of her.
Pretty tall order eh?
I know I have high standards, and I know the chances of meeting someone that meet those standard are extremely low. In all the places I have lived with all the people I meet, I have come across one woman who would be anywhere near those standards.
one girl every 20 years…. awesome odds right!?
but the point is, I would much rather bask in the freedom of being alone then to have a partner who is a ball and chain. That’s why I love this video because being alone is just as beautiful as being with someone…
Saturday, August 6, 2011
This was a letter I wrote a while ago...
You are beautiful
Your creativity overflows into my life and transforms my being from the very deepest crevise out. I love how we share a fascination of the human race and how we work towards changing our society.
The way that you respectfully dissagree with me is frustrating but I love those petty altercations we have, They are beautiful. I love the paradox of how similar we are yet so different.
I dont understand the dynamic of how we get along, yet I do know It truly is something of miraculous proportions. It’s what makes us exquisite.
I love how you strive to mold me into a better person spiritually, mentally, and physically. The lack of restraint when scolding me is incredible. The way you never allow me to become “comfortable” is something that I will never understand but as frustrating as it may be, It is incredible.
I love how you are patient and kind. You are not jealous, arrogant, or proud in any of your ways. You are neither rude nor selfish and your temper is always cool towards me.
I love how you do not use my past against me.
I admire your blindness towards stereotypical problems and your quest for justice. The way you speak about me in a defensive tone against negativity amazes me. I love how no decision I ever make is questioned because of your true faith in us. You are the hope not only in our life but in our peer’s life. Yet most of all I love your perseverance and how we will never fail, no matter what trials or tribulations come our way.
Your laugh is horrible and you are clumsy, yet it is thees little things that make me fall in love with you more and more. Those eyes are something I thought I would never see again and when i finally did find them, I knew I was home.
Wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever you are struggling with I pray that you will be blessed with wisdom and knowledge….
Even though I have not met you yet just know….I love you.
Since I've tasted blood, all this wine seems to thin....
I’ve been reading this book called Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, and it is kind of turning my views on Christianity upside down.
But one thing that has been on my heart lately is turning the bible into a product. It turns my stomach that there are children in China, Malaysia, Thailand,etc. That are pumping out trinkets with scriptures on them.
Why are there pastors of mega-churches driving around in Bentlys when they have members in their congregation who are struggling every day? One of those cars can put a few kids through college for sure.
Why do we have trade shows and seminars that are designed to teach us how to go into the world and love people like Jesus did, When the admission prices of these events can often feed hundreds of people in other countries?
I think its just something we do to ourselves to keep us warm and toasty in Jesus land.
I don’t understand why we, why I ( because I am most certainly guilty of this too) have created this little bubble of comfort and false positivity just so we can convince our minds that we are, indeed doing good.
It feels so good to be in this little safe Sunday school prison where everything is bright and shiny, but I don’t think that’s where we were called to live.
It says in Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light
I think this may be some cause of our problem as Christians…
You see, often this is interpreted as we have it easy as Christians, that everything we do will just magically be rad just because we have ole’ JC on our side but we often forget:
there is still a yoke, and once we pick up this yoke we pick up the responibilities that Jesus and his early followers had. We must take care of the sick, the poor, the widows, and the orphans because it is our responsibility and no one else’s.
So if that seems easy to you I applaud you, because that seems like the hardest thing in the world to me.
It seems like in my Jesus bubble, that sacrifice is not needed. I forget how the fore-fathers of our faith lived. I was reading a blog the other day about how this faith is most certainly not easy. It went on to give example if how people were called to do near impossible things.
“and god said to them…
Abraham, leave your home and your family. I’ll tell you where you’re going later, but just go now.
David, take a small rock and go kill that giant.
Hosea, marry that woman who’s going to cuckold you and redeem her with your love. Make sure every knows about your humiliation so they see a model of my Love for them too.
Jesus, give up your glory to live among the fallen then let yourself be tortured and killed.
Paul, you just keep on preaching until they kill you. And when you’re whipped bloody and imprisoned, be sure to count it all glory.”
Christians were the original counter culture. They stood against everything society told them to be and many of them lost their lives for it. My god isn’t that so foreign to us.
These men you see on tv in their fancy suits, or those spewing hate and promoting capitalism like its in the bible are most certainly not Christ like.
(Now don’t take that as me judging them on eternity)
Jesus was poor, he was from the ghetto of nazerath, he Hung out with scumbags and prostitutes, his best friends were ex-scumbags, he was a socialist, yet he stressed it was our job to take care of the needy and not the governments.
Why have we forgotten this?
But one thing that has been on my heart lately is turning the bible into a product. It turns my stomach that there are children in China, Malaysia, Thailand,etc. That are pumping out trinkets with scriptures on them.
Why are there pastors of mega-churches driving around in Bentlys when they have members in their congregation who are struggling every day? One of those cars can put a few kids through college for sure.
Why do we have trade shows and seminars that are designed to teach us how to go into the world and love people like Jesus did, When the admission prices of these events can often feed hundreds of people in other countries?
I think its just something we do to ourselves to keep us warm and toasty in Jesus land.
I don’t understand why we, why I ( because I am most certainly guilty of this too) have created this little bubble of comfort and false positivity just so we can convince our minds that we are, indeed doing good.
It feels so good to be in this little safe Sunday school prison where everything is bright and shiny, but I don’t think that’s where we were called to live.
It says in Matthew 11:28-30
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light
I think this may be some cause of our problem as Christians…
You see, often this is interpreted as we have it easy as Christians, that everything we do will just magically be rad just because we have ole’ JC on our side but we often forget:
there is still a yoke, and once we pick up this yoke we pick up the responibilities that Jesus and his early followers had. We must take care of the sick, the poor, the widows, and the orphans because it is our responsibility and no one else’s.
So if that seems easy to you I applaud you, because that seems like the hardest thing in the world to me.
It seems like in my Jesus bubble, that sacrifice is not needed. I forget how the fore-fathers of our faith lived. I was reading a blog the other day about how this faith is most certainly not easy. It went on to give example if how people were called to do near impossible things.
“and god said to them…
Abraham, leave your home and your family. I’ll tell you where you’re going later, but just go now.
David, take a small rock and go kill that giant.
Hosea, marry that woman who’s going to cuckold you and redeem her with your love. Make sure every knows about your humiliation so they see a model of my Love for them too.
Jesus, give up your glory to live among the fallen then let yourself be tortured and killed.
Paul, you just keep on preaching until they kill you. And when you’re whipped bloody and imprisoned, be sure to count it all glory.”
Christians were the original counter culture. They stood against everything society told them to be and many of them lost their lives for it. My god isn’t that so foreign to us.
These men you see on tv in their fancy suits, or those spewing hate and promoting capitalism like its in the bible are most certainly not Christ like.
(Now don’t take that as me judging them on eternity)
Jesus was poor, he was from the ghetto of nazerath, he Hung out with scumbags and prostitutes, his best friends were ex-scumbags, he was a socialist, yet he stressed it was our job to take care of the needy and not the governments.
Why have we forgotten this?
Sunday, July 31, 2011
We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine, and the machine is bleeding to death
I have started listening to Godspeed! You Black Emperor again after a recent trip to New Orleans. I forgot how inspiring and calming they can be. It's almost as if fear manifest itself into an auditory dance of classical and modern melodies, with the classical leading the modern. Its an experience like falling into an unpleasant dream and then being slowly awakened by something overwhelmingly comfortable. I could imagine that they were playing as alice fell down the rabbit hole. It truly is exquisite.
I think fear doesn't always have to be a negative emotion....
For some reason recently I have been revisiting things I haven't seen or used in years. Things that once filled me with joy and passion, things that shaped who I am today. For instance, I have started to read fahrenheit 451, my favorite book, again. I am remembering why I write, why I am creative, and why I have an urgency to express myself. It's not something I just do for fun, it's something I have to do. It's an obligation to my creator who instilled this in me.
I think the reason that Ray Bradbury words spoke to me at such a young age was because I could relate. In 451 it describes a world that books and all literature is illegal. Everyone gets their information from talking screens and seashell headphones. The jobs of fire men are not to stop fires, they are to start them. They are ordered to burn anyones house who contains a single book. The story is of a fireman who slowly comes to the realization that there is more to life than the fabrication of information by society. Most people see this as a tale of censorship and overcoming the oppressors, but in several interviews Bradbury says that is, most certainly, not the case.
He explains that the story is, indeed, how people are becoming illiterate, not in the literal sense, something far worse...
People are not using intuition and deduction to formulate opinions, people are simply adopting the ideologies and fabricated truths of the seven headed dragon over the the television (and now internet). This captivated me, coming from a culture where television taught me my ABC's. It sparked me to find out for myself and to have an opinion that I formulated, not some media talking head. It influenced me to ask questions and get answers by any means necessary.
It taught me to seek truth...
So thanks Ray, you have inspired me to fulfill my dreams. I can only hope that one day I will shape the way a kid processes and receives information. In the ever growing world of media wars between mutually right conservatives and liberals, I think thats a pretty big feat.
pick up this guy when you have a chance, or contact me.... I have a few copies.
I think fear doesn't always have to be a negative emotion....
For some reason recently I have been revisiting things I haven't seen or used in years. Things that once filled me with joy and passion, things that shaped who I am today. For instance, I have started to read fahrenheit 451, my favorite book, again. I am remembering why I write, why I am creative, and why I have an urgency to express myself. It's not something I just do for fun, it's something I have to do. It's an obligation to my creator who instilled this in me.
I think the reason that Ray Bradbury words spoke to me at such a young age was because I could relate. In 451 it describes a world that books and all literature is illegal. Everyone gets their information from talking screens and seashell headphones. The jobs of fire men are not to stop fires, they are to start them. They are ordered to burn anyones house who contains a single book. The story is of a fireman who slowly comes to the realization that there is more to life than the fabrication of information by society. Most people see this as a tale of censorship and overcoming the oppressors, but in several interviews Bradbury says that is, most certainly, not the case.
He explains that the story is, indeed, how people are becoming illiterate, not in the literal sense, something far worse...
People are not using intuition and deduction to formulate opinions, people are simply adopting the ideologies and fabricated truths of the seven headed dragon over the the television (and now internet). This captivated me, coming from a culture where television taught me my ABC's. It sparked me to find out for myself and to have an opinion that I formulated, not some media talking head. It influenced me to ask questions and get answers by any means necessary.
It taught me to seek truth...
So thanks Ray, you have inspired me to fulfill my dreams. I can only hope that one day I will shape the way a kid processes and receives information. In the ever growing world of media wars between mutually right conservatives and liberals, I think thats a pretty big feat.
pick up this guy when you have a chance, or contact me.... I have a few copies.
Friday, June 17, 2011
What's my name, what's my station oh, just tell me what i should do I don't need to be kind to the armies of night that would do such injustice to you
You know with the recent controversy of the food not bombs arrests I think we have forgotten how to live on this planet with each other. Don’t get me wrong, food not bombs is an anarchist group whose motives often are to get attention for their political views, but they still are feeding the less- fortunate that society has spit out. I think as humans we have a responsibility to take care of our fellow man, for me this falls into being pro life.
We must defend the defensless and help the helpless, even if it’s something small. Just like ghandi said “whatever you do may be insignificant, but it is vitally important you do it.”
As clichè as that quote may have been made by middle class white girls who think tie-die and peace signs are cool, it is terribly true…
So please can we just try and do something for someone over this next week to help those in need.
You know what, let’s make it a year…
You have a year to complete the challange of helping one person in a very small way. 365 days, for one small action. Buy a stranger an ice cream cone, give a homeless man a pack of smokes, or just listen to someone who needs it. You have nothing to loose and no excuse. There are no consequences for not doing this, except for knowing you were to busy for the hurting.
Christian or not I think we all can learn from this.
34 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35 for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38 And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39 And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40 And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’
Matthew 25:34-40
Friday, April 1, 2011
Sometimes I lay under the moon and thank God I'm breathing then I pray don't take me soon cause I am here for a reason
It's been close to a year since I've done anything on this. I feel as if I'm long over due.
I have been learning a lot lately. One thing people don't realise is the arts teach you so much more than just how to paint or sculpt. They teach you incredible amounts of patience , how to improvise and do things that were deemed impossible in your reality, and how to release things that are deep within you that can't be put into words. I know this is what I was made for. I'm here to inspire and be inspired, to feel and be felt, to sculpt and be sculptured.
The more and more I feel like I am finally finding some purpose in this life I feel like more questions are raised. Things I was so sure of 6 months ago now seem completely unknown.
I think I'm just too anxious, I can't wait for the next step and me not knowing what that is intensifies the problem. Is it marriage, a "real job", getting a masters degree? It's overwhelming.
I think I'm slowly finding out who my true friends are, and I won't make this one of the stereotypical internet rants and raves, but its interesting who remains when you start moving forward. (If your reading this don't worry its not about you its more of a generalization per say.... just know I love you and miss you pal.)
I'm tired of people thinking I need something they have and holding it over my head like a carrot in front of an ass ( pun intended). I most certainly don't need you and I don't appreciate you treating me like a jackass. Nothing you have is going to make my life that much better so just get off your high horse. It's awesome to see that you treat your longest friends like live stock.
Enough with the barn yard analogies.
If I need you in my life you probably get offended at my words. I will argue with you, and be agitated with you but at the end of the day I love you so much. I apologize too, that I truly don't know how to show it.
Also to my barn master I apologize that I don't have the heart to tell you to shut up. I admit I'm not man enough to do that, but its because In reality,I really care about you but your to sensitive to hear what I need to tell you. I wish you could just be quiet and listen. The truth is, I love you and everyone else that irritates me beyond belief. I can't seem to shake that, and if you think having a friend that's a jerk is horrible, try being in love with people, every one, even the crazy ones. It's enough to drive you crazy yourself.
And that's exactly what this post came to be, a ridiculous complaining session. I just look at this as an easy way to journal and maybe help someone else through this thing and possibly try and figure out how to play this ridiculous game of life. After all there's no manual, heck there aren't even any rules.
I may be confused and unsure about a lot of things in this world. And I may let a lot of things bother me that shouldn't. But something I know is I was created to create, and to reflect the image of the creator. I think I need to work on doing that in a better way, because you can never be a master at something like that.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
"Happy to see how far I've come to the same place it began my dreams and imagination perfectly at peace so I move along a bit higher"
I have been having really lucid dreams lately. It reminded me of this video I saw about 5 years ago. In my opinion it is one of the most creative snowboard videos I have ever seen. Even if you dont have an appreciation for such sports just absorb the art. I apologize for the semi poor quality.
I know its been a while since I have sat down and written from my heart. It is just another one of those times where I must sit and reflect.... something is coming soon... something big.
lando
Thursday, June 24, 2010
"How do I feel for thee? Your smile brings disease. 'Cause we're young, willing from the start."
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Its nights like these when we feel most alive
We felt like kings sitting on our leather thrones
As the sound of amateur musicians fill the air
and the laughs from gestures out pour from our mouths
The smells of summer were on our noses
As we tell the tales of the explorations the we have yet to complete
We are called to assemble....
Its nights like this that make me want to be 16 forever
I never want to wake up from this extraordinary dream
The dream of falling asleep as our sides split from a photo play
This elite group of adolescents aids me as my camarilla
Any challenge that may surface is never to much for my comrades.
Arise boys!
We ride these streets , screaming at the top of our voices
The summer air fills our lungs as we make our rounds
Speeding past others in the memories we make
Though we are not bonded in blood,
we are a band of brothers
I marvel at others bravery for stepping apart,
But as we may take a step each day towards death physically
Mentally we will always be one
We watch as morbid prophecies are fulfilled
yet we stand strong
Others wish they could have what we have
Others claim they have what we have
Others despise what we have
Stick together boys! There is one thing I'm sure of
We are heroes in a dying generation
Its nights like these when we feel most alive
We felt like kings sitting on our leather thrones
As the sound of amateur musicians fill the air
and the laughs from gestures out pour from our mouths
The smells of summer were on our noses
As we tell the tales of the explorations the we have yet to complete
We are called to assemble....
Its nights like this that make me want to be 16 forever
I never want to wake up from this extraordinary dream
The dream of falling asleep as our sides split from a photo play
This elite group of adolescents aids me as my camarilla
Any challenge that may surface is never to much for my comrades.
Arise boys!
We ride these streets , screaming at the top of our voices
The summer air fills our lungs as we make our rounds
Speeding past others in the memories we make
Though we are not bonded in blood,
we are a band of brothers
I marvel at others bravery for stepping apart,
But as we may take a step each day towards death physically
Mentally we will always be one
We watch as morbid prophecies are fulfilled
yet we stand strong
Others wish they could have what we have
Others claim they have what we have
Others despise what we have
Stick together boys! There is one thing I'm sure of
We are heroes in a dying generation
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I've been rapping for about seventeen years,ok. I dont write my stuff anymore... I just kick it from my head.
ectoplasm
1. Biology: The outer portion of the continuous phase of cytoplasm of a cell, sometimes distinguishable as a somewhat rigid, gelled layer beneath the cell membrane2. An immaterial or ethereal substance, especially the transparent corporeal presence of the spirit.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
You grow, you roar Although disguised I know you.....You'll learn to know.
This band produces some of the most beautiful music I have ever heard.
Today is Sunday and I have to work. Its odd because I feel so out of place not being in church, just last month I would take my Sundays off and sleep in, not really worrying about church. I have seen the value in getting fed, I also have learned that this can not be something that happens only on Sundays.
I like starting over.
I am getting such a different perspective on Christianity, the reason I say I live my life. I grew up in church and I never really had a value for God because of that reason. I feel like in my case because he was just something that was there and things were fine there really was no reason to step out of my comfort zone to experience something more.
A few nights ago I was watching one of my discipleship kids worship... as I observed I wished for that back. I wished for that passion and that reckless abandonment of all I know to cry out to God. It was very inspiring....
It is so funny to me to look at why I started this blog and to slowly see the ups and downs of my life since last September. I still refuse to believe that anyone reads this, I guess it is why I poure my heart out into whatever the subject may be.
I just received a job from Burton snowboards... to anyone else that's not a big deal, to me I have wanted to work for them since I was in 9th grade. even though I am working as an inventory specialist at the local store i feel like there is more to come from this very small opportunity. Knowing that they have stores in NYC, LA, Boston,Tokyo, Chicago, and Burlington makes me incredibly excited for advancement opportunities. The reason I have mentioned this is to take note in the power of your words and positivity. When I was 14 I decided I wanted to be an engineer to go and design snowboards for Burton, After I had realized I have no chance due to all of the math involved I walked away from that dream. 3 years later they open a store in Orlando Florida, where we never see a single flake of snow......
To me that is God.
One love,
Landen
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Oars freed from their holds long ago Lying face up on the floor of my vessel I marvel at the stars And feel my heart overflow, further down the river.
In two week's time my life have been flipped upside down, this time for the good.....
side note: I think incubus has taken the place of "all time favorite band". I dont think I have ever had one of those, and it feels funny.
I have never been so at peace with who I am and the decisions I am making. I have finally begun to realize that everything will happen in the perfect timing, and even though it is unfortunate that I can't predict that timing, it's comforting knowing that it exists.
I'm having hard time learning patience.
I had lost the value of just sitting and listening. The simple acts of just being at peace and being still is so crucial to holding on to ones sanity. Through thees meditative states great revelation has emerged. It's so hard to explain but i find comfort in not caring and just leaving it up to Jehova.
I love how the bible refers to God in so many different ways. Jehova-Jireh (the God that provides), Jehova- Nissi (the God that comforts), Jehova- Shammah ( the God that is here), Jehova- rapha (the God that heals), and my favorite Jehova- shalom (the God that is peace). I can't comprehend how one being can be all of thees things, but thats what captivates me about God.
I am an extremely logical person and in reality God is not very logical (scientifically speaking). But I love the unknown, it always has fascinated me. I also love the risk I take of being wrong. I don't think people realize that being a christian is the biggest gamble in the history of the world.
Story time:
I was walking downtown a few nights ago after going to SAK and I witnessed a man yelling at the crowd of "rock and rollers" that they were going to burn in a " lake of fire". As they screamed incredibly hurtful things to thees people that may or may not know anything about God it immediately pissed me off. As I walked closer to confront this guy, I witnessed a leader at a local church standing in font of the man silently with a sign apologizing for this mans actions. The sign also went on to tell the crowd that if Jesus were here he would love and comfort them, as well as tell the man that was screaming what was wrong with his methods. This silent disciple was God's heart...
Just something to think about.
side note: I think incubus has taken the place of "all time favorite band". I dont think I have ever had one of those, and it feels funny.
I have never been so at peace with who I am and the decisions I am making. I have finally begun to realize that everything will happen in the perfect timing, and even though it is unfortunate that I can't predict that timing, it's comforting knowing that it exists.
I'm having hard time learning patience.
I had lost the value of just sitting and listening. The simple acts of just being at peace and being still is so crucial to holding on to ones sanity. Through thees meditative states great revelation has emerged. It's so hard to explain but i find comfort in not caring and just leaving it up to Jehova.
I love how the bible refers to God in so many different ways. Jehova-Jireh (the God that provides), Jehova- Nissi (the God that comforts), Jehova- Shammah ( the God that is here), Jehova- rapha (the God that heals), and my favorite Jehova- shalom (the God that is peace). I can't comprehend how one being can be all of thees things, but thats what captivates me about God.
I am an extremely logical person and in reality God is not very logical (scientifically speaking). But I love the unknown, it always has fascinated me. I also love the risk I take of being wrong. I don't think people realize that being a christian is the biggest gamble in the history of the world.
Story time:
I was walking downtown a few nights ago after going to SAK and I witnessed a man yelling at the crowd of "rock and rollers" that they were going to burn in a " lake of fire". As they screamed incredibly hurtful things to thees people that may or may not know anything about God it immediately pissed me off. As I walked closer to confront this guy, I witnessed a leader at a local church standing in font of the man silently with a sign apologizing for this mans actions. The sign also went on to tell the crowd that if Jesus were here he would love and comfort them, as well as tell the man that was screaming what was wrong with his methods. This silent disciple was God's heart...
Just something to think about.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Then I'll float on down the river to my cajun hide away....
A short thought.
Every day that i wake up I get more exited to serve this country in the coast guard. Its weird because as a dreamer I get excited about a lot but this is different.... it seems so close, when it really is. the only thing separating me from this dream is about 20 pounds.
I think everyone needs something to be excited about when they wake up in the morning. What kind of life would you live if you didn't? All I can say is dont think your dream is unobtainable, look for steps even if they are small and minute to get to that dream...
record music on a tape recorder....
read a monologue in the mirror...
make cookies for your friends....
I have also found that a key part to accomplishing any dream is to be extremely out going. the reason being is you never know who you will meet next that will help you achieve the next step towards your goal.
for some reason today is a really good day for absolutely no reason and i just wanted to share that with you all.
Remember, You can't keep a good man down.
Love,
Landen
Every day that i wake up I get more exited to serve this country in the coast guard. Its weird because as a dreamer I get excited about a lot but this is different.... it seems so close, when it really is. the only thing separating me from this dream is about 20 pounds.
I think everyone needs something to be excited about when they wake up in the morning. What kind of life would you live if you didn't? All I can say is dont think your dream is unobtainable, look for steps even if they are small and minute to get to that dream...
record music on a tape recorder....
read a monologue in the mirror...
make cookies for your friends....
I have also found that a key part to accomplishing any dream is to be extremely out going. the reason being is you never know who you will meet next that will help you achieve the next step towards your goal.
for some reason today is a really good day for absolutely no reason and i just wanted to share that with you all.
Remember, You can't keep a good man down.
Love,
Landen
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Grab your sweaters and your fleece, your cap and shoes lets leave. maybe thats what she needs to hear, maybe thats what she needs.
I have lost sight of how important random acts of kindness can be.
I think I have also lost some sense of value on the way I impact the world.
After spending the past few weekends with some people I may never see again I began to reevaluate the importance I place on changing someones life for the better. It was kind of surreal knowing that everything i do could be influential and I started to search for something i could do that could express love towards thees people.
Any one thats knows me knows thats im insensitive, I dont have a filter, I dont care what anyone has to say about me, I enjoy lying to people I dont know, and I have a very low tolerance for people I dont like, but I am indeed a walking contradiction. not many people see the compassion I have for the world and how I try to love people the best I can. not many people know that I want to give everything I own to someone else. not many people know that my life goal is to make as many people happy as I can. Maybe its because I am not trusting enough of people to let that side show.
anyways.....
the only thing I can hope now is that the short time I spent with my new friends I did something to impact them in a positive way. life is too short to not change someones life in a significant or even insignificant way.
so go out and buy someone a pair of flip flops.
maybe buy the lady in front of you at subway her sandwich
give that new watch to a bud
converse with the clerk at 7-11
or just open the door for someone..... you never know how people will be effected.
I think I have also lost some sense of value on the way I impact the world.
After spending the past few weekends with some people I may never see again I began to reevaluate the importance I place on changing someones life for the better. It was kind of surreal knowing that everything i do could be influential and I started to search for something i could do that could express love towards thees people.
Any one thats knows me knows thats im insensitive, I dont have a filter, I dont care what anyone has to say about me, I enjoy lying to people I dont know, and I have a very low tolerance for people I dont like, but I am indeed a walking contradiction. not many people see the compassion I have for the world and how I try to love people the best I can. not many people know that I want to give everything I own to someone else. not many people know that my life goal is to make as many people happy as I can. Maybe its because I am not trusting enough of people to let that side show.
anyways.....
the only thing I can hope now is that the short time I spent with my new friends I did something to impact them in a positive way. life is too short to not change someones life in a significant or even insignificant way.
so go out and buy someone a pair of flip flops.
maybe buy the lady in front of you at subway her sandwich
give that new watch to a bud
converse with the clerk at 7-11
or just open the door for someone..... you never know how people will be effected.
Monday, February 1, 2010
We laugh in the face of love Cause nobody's really there, Nobody's real.....
It's been 3 months since my last blog. it really doesn't seem like it's been that long
It's not that i dont have anything to say, I just haven't found time.
Its funny because the times when I have more to say than ever i have no time to say it.
So much has happened in the past 3 months...
My faith was tested, not just my faith in God but my faith in humanity. Over the past month or so my family has been the victim to the most hateful and greedy acts I have ever wittnessed. I guess it comes as a real shock because I tend to be such an optimist at heart.
It's funny how optimism can have negative reactions. Often optimism covers the flaws of an individual that may make them dangerous to others. I'm realizing how optimism can be extremely dangerous.
even with all the terrible things happening to my family, alot of good things have been coming my way and even to the people around me. I recently got full time at work, I have been exceeding my selling goals, and everyone of my coworkers has been doing amazing in the store. Im just really digging life right now.
I guess right now I just have so much to say its hard to put into words, hopefully i will be able to jot them down and get this creativity ball rolling again.
keep your head up,
Landen
It's not that i dont have anything to say, I just haven't found time.
Its funny because the times when I have more to say than ever i have no time to say it.
So much has happened in the past 3 months...
My faith was tested, not just my faith in God but my faith in humanity. Over the past month or so my family has been the victim to the most hateful and greedy acts I have ever wittnessed. I guess it comes as a real shock because I tend to be such an optimist at heart.
It's funny how optimism can have negative reactions. Often optimism covers the flaws of an individual that may make them dangerous to others. I'm realizing how optimism can be extremely dangerous.
even with all the terrible things happening to my family, alot of good things have been coming my way and even to the people around me. I recently got full time at work, I have been exceeding my selling goals, and everyone of my coworkers has been doing amazing in the store. Im just really digging life right now.
I guess right now I just have so much to say its hard to put into words, hopefully i will be able to jot them down and get this creativity ball rolling again.
keep your head up,
Landen
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Will I ever get to where I'm going? If I do will I know when I'm there? If the wind blew me in the right direction, Yeah Would I even care?
So Instead of a list of useless new years resolutions I have decided to make a list of things I want to do before I die. I am in the process of writing 25 things I want to do. then as a group me and my friends will put them all together and see what things can be crossed out.
so far from mine it's.....
1. learn to blow glass
2. see Spain
3. read the entire bible
4. go to south America for a summer to snowboard
5. hang out with someone famous
6. get scuba certified
7. hike a portion of the Appalachian trail
8. sky dive
It is a lot harder to make one of thees lists than you would think. I find myself asking if the action is obtainable or not, it kind of sucks.
As much as I love winter I am kind of looking forward to spring. This winter has been very cold in every way possibly. For some reason it has just been a tundra of loneliness or despair for everyone I know. It's so weird how thees things work.
I feel like spring will be great. I have a lot of amazing things planned for the month of march along with my birthday. I really think that this spring I will see a lot of new life and new relationships.
Hey maybe even a cure to this loneliness will come about.
stay warm
so far from mine it's.....
1. learn to blow glass
2. see Spain
3. read the entire bible
4. go to south America for a summer to snowboard
5. hang out with someone famous
6. get scuba certified
7. hike a portion of the Appalachian trail
8. sky dive
It is a lot harder to make one of thees lists than you would think. I find myself asking if the action is obtainable or not, it kind of sucks.
As much as I love winter I am kind of looking forward to spring. This winter has been very cold in every way possibly. For some reason it has just been a tundra of loneliness or despair for everyone I know. It's so weird how thees things work.
I feel like spring will be great. I have a lot of amazing things planned for the month of march along with my birthday. I really think that this spring I will see a lot of new life and new relationships.
Hey maybe even a cure to this loneliness will come about.
stay warm
Thursday, December 31, 2009
When we come down we'll be dreamin safe and sound.
I don't know what it is but I just had an extreme sense of peace just flow over me. Everthing is falling into place.
I set out to have a grand adventure on this new years eve, but that didnt work out. So now as I sit here with my best friend listening quietly to piano tracks, I feel that peace just surround me and soak in every fiber of my being.
I don't care about adventures or crazy partying, getting a midnight kiss, being lonely for the holidays, working at 9 in the morning, or making resolutions on this years end, I care about being with my best friends and feeling the sense of accomplishment.
My life has been transformed in the time of a year.
I look back on last year and how I couldn't wait for this year to end. I can without a doubt say that 2008 was the worst year I have had out of thees 18. thats another story though.
One thing I can say is that this year has quite possibly been the best, and for no specific reason. even though last year my life was torn apart, this year it has slowly been restored. With the restoration I feel that something crazy is coming next year. I feel like over the past year I have been preparing for something great and exciting. Hopefully I won't be let down.
Stay tuned.
I set out to have a grand adventure on this new years eve, but that didnt work out. So now as I sit here with my best friend listening quietly to piano tracks, I feel that peace just surround me and soak in every fiber of my being.
I don't care about adventures or crazy partying, getting a midnight kiss, being lonely for the holidays, working at 9 in the morning, or making resolutions on this years end, I care about being with my best friends and feeling the sense of accomplishment.
My life has been transformed in the time of a year.
I look back on last year and how I couldn't wait for this year to end. I can without a doubt say that 2008 was the worst year I have had out of thees 18. thats another story though.
One thing I can say is that this year has quite possibly been the best, and for no specific reason. even though last year my life was torn apart, this year it has slowly been restored. With the restoration I feel that something crazy is coming next year. I feel like over the past year I have been preparing for something great and exciting. Hopefully I won't be let down.
Stay tuned.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
I am a moth who just wants to share your light I'm just an insect trying to get out of the night I am still with you because there are no others
It's Christmas eve, the second one I've been through single. There is something about having a sweetheart on the greatest day of the year, it just enhances it. I can't wait for this game that little boys and girls play with each other to end. I just want a girl that stands up for her beliefs and is confident, someone that can encourage me as much as I can support her. Someone who is flawed, someone who has made a difference, someone that respects me.
It also sucks that I have never had a girl that lived within 30 minutes of my house.
Really all I want to do is spoil someone.... any takers?
Seriously, I laugh at what my generation calls true love. I can't wait to experience it, because I know what I once had was not true. I remember a new years resolution I had, It was to find a girl that met a few of those criteria. Unfortunately no luck yet, But hey I still have a week.
Wow this just turned into a complaining session. That is the beauty of a blog that not many people read, I can say what I want.
on a different note....
As great as the Christmas season is, it still isn't as great as it was when I was a child.
I never believed in santa clause, but I remember staying up all night waiting for my parents to wake up to tear through the presents. Now I go to sleep at midnight hoping to get a few extra hours of sleep than I would on any other day. I guess that is what happens as you grow older, the things that once made your heart jump now just seem mediocre.
Don't get me wrong Christmas is still the best time of year in my opinion, but I see what this celebration of my saviors birth truly has become...
It's an excuse to be greedy and irresponsible with your money.
I can really appreciate my parents doing a modest Christmas every year. It really has given me the right perspective on this season. I feel my priorities this entire month are different than everyone else. For me it's about sweet fellowship with my friends and family.
Hopefully The last week in this year will be awesome, who knows maybe I will fulfill that new years resolution. I mean I did accomplish all the other ones. Even if I don't, I am very satisfied with this past years and it's products. I hope everyone feels the same
Merry christmas
It also sucks that I have never had a girl that lived within 30 minutes of my house.
Really all I want to do is spoil someone.... any takers?
Seriously, I laugh at what my generation calls true love. I can't wait to experience it, because I know what I once had was not true. I remember a new years resolution I had, It was to find a girl that met a few of those criteria. Unfortunately no luck yet, But hey I still have a week.
Wow this just turned into a complaining session. That is the beauty of a blog that not many people read, I can say what I want.
on a different note....
As great as the Christmas season is, it still isn't as great as it was when I was a child.
I never believed in santa clause, but I remember staying up all night waiting for my parents to wake up to tear through the presents. Now I go to sleep at midnight hoping to get a few extra hours of sleep than I would on any other day. I guess that is what happens as you grow older, the things that once made your heart jump now just seem mediocre.
Don't get me wrong Christmas is still the best time of year in my opinion, but I see what this celebration of my saviors birth truly has become...
It's an excuse to be greedy and irresponsible with your money.
I can really appreciate my parents doing a modest Christmas every year. It really has given me the right perspective on this season. I feel my priorities this entire month are different than everyone else. For me it's about sweet fellowship with my friends and family.
Hopefully The last week in this year will be awesome, who knows maybe I will fulfill that new years resolution. I mean I did accomplish all the other ones. Even if I don't, I am very satisfied with this past years and it's products. I hope everyone feels the same
Merry christmas
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
What if I sold everything I own And ran away from everyone I know could I make another place my home?
I have started to realize how young I really am. Even though by the laws standards I am a man, there is still so much for me to learn. I think about how at my age my parents were married. That is mind blowing, I cant imagine having that much responsibility at this time in my life.
I blame society.
Isn't that funny how people get so frustrated with society and the way things are? Just think about the world we live in today and how much our culture has changed over the past 30 years. It is pretty ridiculous. I love when I get frustrated with a text message, or when my internet isnt quite as fast as i would like it to be. We need to take a step back and just look at this situation......
just sayin.
Man this has been a very eventful week, a lot of good and a lot of bad.
So let us see what happens in the end, because thats the only part that matters, right?
I blame society.
Isn't that funny how people get so frustrated with society and the way things are? Just think about the world we live in today and how much our culture has changed over the past 30 years. It is pretty ridiculous. I love when I get frustrated with a text message, or when my internet isnt quite as fast as i would like it to be. We need to take a step back and just look at this situation......
just sayin.
Man this has been a very eventful week, a lot of good and a lot of bad.
So let us see what happens in the end, because thats the only part that matters, right?
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